Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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