Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
