It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
