my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
