my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
