I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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