When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
