Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
