Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My hand turned me down
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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