i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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