I wanna bring you to show and tell
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
