i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
