We're facebook friends in real life
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
