Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
