ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
