I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
