I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
pop tarts are not kleenex
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
