I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
