i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
