i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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