Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
