WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Never joke about your clitoris.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
