So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Randomize
