Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
