Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
