I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
