after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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