I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
