Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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