I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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