I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Michael Bay diarrhea
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
