haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
