I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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