Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
