Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
