just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
