great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
