piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
