New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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