The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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