So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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