Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
