i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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