Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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