I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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