the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
