ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
