she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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