someone threw a dead crab at me
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
