It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
