He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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