I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
